Sounds like promiscuity

Apparently, I'm getting married to some girl tomorrow. Well, renewing our 10 year vows. I have to say a few sentences in the ceremony. I don't really like being in the spotlight though, so it may be harder than it seems. Don't know where the nerves came into effect. Probably has something to do with being in the military and having all creativity and individuality beat (mentally) out of you. I seem to recall memorizing plays in one day in elementary school, performing solos for JV band in middle school and not being nervous. Sucks having a lifetime of foibles that determine the amount of nervousness you get in front of an audience. Before I would be too cocky to get anything like that wrong. Something along the lines of, "Fuck these people, I'm gonna nail this speech." But siphoning off my jesus-fire to other people has left me a hollow shell of the person I once was. That and going against everything that ever made me a person and re-enlisting. Still remember that one call back home. "Hey, Dad, my enlistment is coming up. I'm thinking about getting out. Can I come home and live there till I get on my feet?" Few seconds of hesitation told me all I needed to know. "Well guess that door's closed." Still, I should've gotten out and hit the ground running after 4 years in. Could have gotten an air traffic job then too. Mais, c'est la vie. But you know what? "Fuck nerves, I'm gonna nail everything from now on"