A few words about depression/suicide

Chris Cornell committed suicide May 18, 2017.

What is depression? Why can it make seemingly successful people suicidal? To people that go through depression like Chris Cornell it is something that is very tangible. A constant beast of burden hanging over them determining the answers to every decision they make. Don't feel like going to work? You should kill yourself. Kind of bored of playing video games? You should kill yourself. Not feeling hungry for the same food in the fridge? You should kill yourself.

It's like having the worst kind of cheerleader in the back of your head chanting the same thing over and over and over:

You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself.

It becomes the standard white noise of your thoughts. The thing that comes up first when you try to empty your mind or think to yourself. The thing that comes up first when you're alone in silence. You learn to live with it, but the noise accumulates when you're at your weakest.

For people like Chris (or Robin Williams for that matter) whose lives are obviously not failures i.e. they are fairly successful and creative, have a fanbase, and are pretty intelligent; it doesn't matter. They will see themselves as utterly worthless and devoid of hope no matter what they do. Especially if things come easy to them. For instance, being naturally able to get great grades on tests or a high GPA without even trying makes the world somewhat dull. Once you realize you're smarter or more creative than most people you get bored and despondent. You become apathetic of challenges and hills that others have to climb.

It's why some people seem unengaged with the world around them. Nothing ever happens, you don't feel anything and everything is just so fucking tedious. Go to work, go to school, come home, wash, rinse and repeat. Forcing people out of their comfort zones helps, but sometimes it just delays the inevitable crash back to reality. "Wow, skydiving was great. Are you ready for work tomorrow?" Immediate buzzkill.

(continued later)